Christmas and Beer: The Way It Was Meant To Be

First of all let me apologize for my absence, I have been busy riding the rails and being the smarmiest of hobos. Which is a job in and of itself. What have you missed? What have I not said about Christmas? I realize that I have not said anything about Christmas and lo and behold I have forced myself to write the very first Smarmy Hobo Christmas Special Blog Entry. Next year I plan to have it televised, me sitting in front of a computer writing and smoking. But here goes:

Merry Christmas, how do I do this? Ok...here goes nothing. What do I think about Christmas? I'm sure that you've been asking yourself lately, "What does good 'ol smarmy think of this blood soaked holiday that we, nice Jesus loving people, call Christmas?" Well you've called and I've answered. First of all I refer to this holiday as "blood soaked" because of the great hobo massacre of '25. We hobos do not celebrate this holiday the way you non-hobos, that's right we call you folk non-hobos, do, we hide away and stay out of sight. In December of 1825 it was a hobo paradise. The rails were not what they are today. They were non-existent. But it was our utopia still. We were basically the true settlers because we would really settle for anything.
Hobos were still working on the trans-continental railroad, which was helped along by our two hobo surveyors "Boxcutter" Lewis & "Tireiron" Clark. The man in charge of the implementation of our railroad was "Mojo" Craig, he was just a few years away from his dream coming to fruition. He was sitting on a milk crate hunched over a broken cardtable covered in his notes, when a man came from behind him and shot him, "Mojo" was killed instantly. Credit was never given to "Mojo" for his hobo carrier, or train idea. That day was December 25th, the day that will live in infamy. Side note, Charlie Chaplin's tramp character is based on "Mojo", that is why to us hobos, Mister Chaplin is held in very high regard.

Now you people may be saying to yourselves, "Why did smarmy go and title this post Christmas and Beer? When all he has mentioned so far is the sadness that is the hobo massacre."
Well first of all stop asking so many goddamn questions and secondly because my favorite beer, Bell's, just came to town. I reccomend it to everyone.

Happy halloween everyone.

Smarmy

Heil Honey I'm Home

Potentially anti-semetic and potentially fucking funny! Here's part one of the pilot, part two will be posted shortly. Enjoy

Lord Love The Dutch

I just recently came across this website Give us back New York about the Dutch wanting to take back New York and bringing back it's original name of New Amsterdam. Recently I have been coming to terms with my inner Netherlander. I am part Dutch and up until recently I was ashamed of my Dutchiness. Now I see this site dedicated to taking back New York, and I am a little happy that the Dutch have a voice in this day and age. We are a tulip and peace loving people. Famous Dutch peace proponents have been many, in particular there's Anne Frank. She was Dutch and that is exactly why Hitler was after her. He had a problem with the Dutch because of their peace loving ways and the fact that he couldn't get a good price on tulips. That asshole. The Dutch have done many many things for this world and I believe that they could take our present New York and make it the utopian society that is the Netherlands.
Contrary to popular belief Anne Frank is not the only Netherlander to make their mark on the world, it turns out that M.C. Escher is from there, Vincent Van Gogh and Rembrandt were both from the Netherlands. Other notable Dutch folk are Eddie Van Halen, "Emmanuelle" star Sylvia Kristel, the Director of the smash hit "Speed" Jan de Bont, and apparently quite a few notable "porn" actresses like, Teri Summers, Zara Whites, Deidre Holland and Bobbi Eden. I had no idea that the Netherlands was such a sexually lax society. I thought that they would be like the Pennsylvania Dutch, who are conservative and quite religious. But these Dutch people who actually live in the Motherland are very liberal, they have hash bars for Christ sakes. What's wrong with these people.
WWGWBD? He would invade the land and stop poor children from sticking their fingers in dikes. Then rape the land for oil, but that's just speculation. Hell it's a hurricane prone land that is occupied by mostly white people, he might actually give a damn if it's flooded. Don't know for sure.

Sorry for the semi-coherent rambling.

Smarmy

Two Heartbeats Away...

Here's to Nancy Pelosi, the new Speaker of the House, and to better days ahead.

Well, a couple of weeks ago I was talking to my good friend, the Smarmy Hobo himself, about the state of democracy in our Homeland. I think the 2000 election wasn't stolen so much as handed to Junior. 2004, on the other hand, was a travesty truly worthy of boycotting Diebold. So what now, my dear Hobo? He theorized the puppet masters might throw us a bone, let the Demmies win one little one before Jeb is repaid in 2008.

No! I say, No No! Surely America has spoken! Surely the future indictees have been given a thumping! Now all the Demmies have to do in the next two years is get us out of Iraq, curtail the spiralling deficit, raise the minimum wage, slow global warming and repair our reputation with our allies. Then they can win in 2008. Assuming the terrorists don't choose to strike again - then all bets are off.

But I do have some good news... The Iraq Study Group is out there somewhere - hopefully they're studying and not staying up all night listening to their crazy rock n roll and doing each others' hair. I hear they're going to give us a way we can win the war - a silver bullet. Or is it a magic bullet? I don't know - whatever killed JFK, that's what we need...

Vote and/or Die!?

I don't know about you but my will to vote has been stifled. I've lost faith in our democratic system. I don't want to rehash the 2000 presidential election but that was a big part of it. I just don't like our representative democracy. I don't know what would be better but this just sucks. I had to be guilted into voting this year. It worked and I will be getting the all important "I Voted" sticker this evening. Here in North Carolina, the Carolina just north of South Carolina, there are no national elections going on. We're just dealing with local elections, I also know that this really is important still because it's local and therefore it more directly affects me. Sorry for my grammar today but I am a bit under the weather and also mildly retarded for the past week or two. Back to the incoherent rant. Don't get me wrong, I love this country, love it with all of my heart. I love the people that make up this wonderful country of ours. It's just that I think that we as a people have very little say in Washington. Our democracy is not too representative, take Iraq for example. If it was up to the people I don't believe that we would be involved. Look at health care, what they're trying to do to social security, etc. Our government seems to be run by corporations. I know that I am the first person to open that can of worms but you know what I'm that guy. I'm willing to put myself in the position of opposition to this...whatever you call it.
Voting Republican or Democrat, to me it's still a vote for the same people. Anyone trying to get elected should be automatically disqualified. A friend of mine had a great idea, that instead of elections we should have a lottery and just pick our representatives, from President on down.

I'm going to be the one to say it but vote or don't. It's up to you, if you don't feel it, don't do it.

Have a good day and vote if you feel like it. Hey, here's an idea and what really got me to vote. It's my friend Matt's birthday and to celebrate it I'm going to vote. If you know Matt, do it for him and if you don't know him, well, then do it for your own Matt. Everyone knows someone named Matt. If you don't then I'm sorry, Matt's are pretty good people. Not all of them of course but a majority of the Matt's I know are good.

Have a happy pseudo-democracy day. Vote like it matters.

Smarmy

Halloween for Pedophiles

I saw this article online and it was the first time I even thought that this was an issue, a valid issue at that:

WRAL's Coverage of the aforementioned topic

I had never thought of it but Halloween is like delivery for pedophiles.

In the article it mentions that they have to sit around and watch a video. Maybe after the video they can play Go-Fish or Chutes and Ladders, or trade ideas as to what kinds of vans are best to meet new friends or how NAMBLA is a valid organization. I don't know but it could be NAMBLAs halloween party.

Anyway, have a happy halloween and happy trick or treating.

Smarmy

Yankees On A Plane

First there was Thurman Munson way back in 79. Or was there? I mean, does anyone else think his name is a little too close to Herman Munster to believe? Anyway, next comes (goes) Cory Lidle. Now Slappy McCantcatch's plane slides off the runway? I see a new movie on the horizon - Yankees On A Plane. A woman is boarding and while being ushered through first class she sees Randy Johnson sitting there - she starts screaming and crying and refuses to get on the plane - I think it has potential.

Are you there God? It's me, Michael. When I said I wanted them all to die in a plane crash, I didn't mean one at a time.

Sorry If I Get A Little Sporty On You

Today, October 14 2006, twenty two years to the day of the Tigers winning the World Series, the Tigers have now made their way back to the fall classic. Today they toyed with the A's until the ninth when Maglio Ordonez spanked the ball into the bleachers.
I am so so happy. As a Tiger fan from way back I feel a bit like a fair weather fan. I just cannot believe that my team is going to the World Series. What in the hell.
Speechless...

Where Oh Where Has Smarmy Hobo Been

First of all I need to apologize to my loyal readers out in internetland, I have been away doing amazing and astonishing things. You wouldn't believe me if I told you. A little hint...riding rails and "dealing with" nosy engineers. I've truly missed you all, your admiration and adoration that is bestowed upon me daily. I feel sad when I'm not writing here for you...and only you.
Before writing to you this wonderfully brisk autumn eve, I was watching a film that I would not recommend. It was entitled "Tight Teen Pussy", it was about these young women who enjoyed having sexual relations with seemingly random men. The dialogue was light, which is strange for a film that boasts it's length of four hours. The lighting was horrid, I cannot even describe the lengths they went to save money on a good cinematographer. This is what happens when you don't employ union workers. The acting seemed forced, in good erotica the acting is one of the things that doesn't go by the wayside. For example rent Eros, Steven Soderberg directs one segment starring Robert Downey Jr., very well done and funny to boot. I don't want to go on and on about the disappointment that this movie was. I would go return it from the shop whence it came but I borrowed it from an acquaintance and will merely return it to him at a later date.
Moving on from bad cinema, I was checking out the internet and stumbled on a pretty damn good site called McSweeney's, great stuff, you'll see a link for it on the right hand side of this page. On that site I found a really funny and tragic letter written to a Dr. Jones, to his friends he is "Indy". Apparently he was recently fired from Marshall college and this is the letter they sent him.

Temple of Doom my ass

Subversive Attitudes Towards The President

Read this but not attempt this at home:

How to trip the president.

David Bowie

David Bowie on Extras (a hilarious show on HBO from the man who brought you The Office)
Check it out

Bush and Blair

It's Grreat!

Maximum R&B

One of the best live performances of any song...ever. Pete Townshend is amazing, so is Keith Moon and let's not forget John Entwistle and hell throw in Roger Daltrey for good measure.

Bush and Blair

This is a wonderful video, enjoy.

Venezuela Grows A Pair

I first heard about this on NPR and the print story does it justice, I guess.
I was a fan of Hugo Chavez before, this just cements it.
I really liked what I had heard of the speach but I was a bit distressed when I learned that it would probably cost Venezuela a seat on the UN Security Council. They were campaigning for a seat on the security council and were pretty much a lock, until this speach.


Hugo Chavez tells it like it is

White Stripes Fever

Don't know why I am fixated with the White Stripes, but I am and therefore I'm forcing this upon the fine readers of this blog.
Please enjoy this wonderful commercial for Coca-Cola. Jack White wrote the song.

Smarmy

Why I Still Love The Simpson's After All These Years

I know that the Simpson's seem to have celebrity voices every week, their season opener featured a couple of guys, Michael Imperioli and Joe Pantoliano, from The Sopranos and other stereotypical Italian roles.
But this past week the White Stripes were guests and I'm all about the White Stripes. They did a parody of the White Stripes video for "Hardest Button to Button", great song and great video.

Here I present both for your consideration.

First the original video



Now the Simpson's parody featuring the White Stripes



Hope you enjoy.

Smarmy

On the Habits of Dogs.

Have you ever noticed that the more foul something smells, the more a dog will try to sniff it? You know that sometimes you feel "a little less than fresh" and you're trying to hide it, but along comes somebody's dog...BUSTED! That fucking dog will do anything in its power to shove it's snout in you crotch or as far up your ass crack as it can get it. Oh well, you go home and take a shower and think to yourself, "I'll just have to start carrying Milkbones on a day when I'm a little funky." Having made note of this most doggy of doggy habits...Have you ever noticed that there are some people who smell so bad that even a dog (who's nose is a rotten smell magnet) can't stand to be near them? I've known fellers like that. I used to live with a guy (I think it would be bad to name names, right? Fuck it! P2X wont mind.) who smelled so fucking ripe that no animal on four legs would come near. That's not the fucked up part! This shit-stinking turd actually had women fighting to be his! Well, I'll tell you what. Let's all just take a rotting steak and rub it all over out asses and then roll in piles of dog shit for good measure. Then we'll all be mac-a-licous playas too. As for me, all this talk of bad smelling shitheads is making me want to take a shower. Maybe after I finish this Icehouse.

Don't Tell ME What You'd Think I'd Do!

What the Fuck!?? Why do people tell me what they think I would do? "If you had it all to do again, you'd talk a lot of shit, but you'd never do anything about it...." How the hell do you know? Maybe if I had it all to do again, I would systematically pick out the future weak links in my life and kill them before they ever brought me down in the first place. Huh? If I tell you that there is no copy machine in the fucking store, there is NO copy machine in the goddamn store! Why do you have to ask someone else? That dipshit is just going to give you the same fucking answer I did! I am the end all/be all of my own universe. All others will rot under my marching feet.

Catalog Hilarity!

If you've ever read a catalog like Sharper Image or especially L.L. Bean you'll actually appreciate this a bit more but it's a hoot none the less. Take a break for yourself and enjoy this fine piece from McSweeney's.

REFRESHINGLY HONEST CRATE AND BARREL CATALOG DESCRIPTIONS

Why? Please tell me why.

Maybe it's because I'm running on about two and a half hours of sleep. But I am seriously fed up with fucking noise. Why oh why do people make objects that produce so much goddamn noise. I feel like I'm in this horrid purgatory where there is no silence. There is sound everywhere, every goddamn place I fucking turn there is something to make me cringe. Why couldn't I have been born a couple of hundred years ago or at least before the advent of the car, hell, let's go back before the train and that infernal horn of theirs. Screw that, I would like to go back before the dawn of man. That's the fucking problem, man. Without fucking people it would be so much nicer. People that put things on their mufflers to make them louder. Printers at work that are next to my goddamn desk that make so much motherfucking noise that I cannot even fathom a silent moment.
ARGH!!
What I would give for just a minute of pure unadulterated silence. I would give anything. ANYTHING.

Profanely yours,
Smarmy

Here's a little treat

Cranky

So, last night I saw "Crank", the movie with Jason Statham. I wanted to see " The Illusionist" but I got to the theatre fourty minutes too late. First of all, what's going on with movies about magicians? First there's The Illusionist and coming soon there's "The Prestige". It seems that this happens all to often, when "Armageddon" came out there was also "Deep Impact", both were about the threat of an asteroid hitting earth. With those two asteroid movies came a whole bunch of specials about the dreaded doom from the sky. I'm just sick of all of these basic cable tie-ins.
Anyway, about "Crank", the movie felt like a Tony Scott flick but maybe a little better. I don't know, but it wasn't a forced fast pace like Mr. Scott's films of late. The pace was fast and it was warranted. It was just a good wholesome fun movie, with just a bit of rampant violence and nudity. It seemed like a live action Grand Theft Auto for some of the film.
Oh man I almost completely forgot about Dwight Yoakam. He plays Chevy's (Jason Statham) doctor. Actually I don't know if you could call his character a doctor but he knows about pharmaceuticals. But good 'ol Dwight does a pretty good job, he's sort of the comic relief along with Pedro from "Napoleon Dynamite" who plays a cross dressing club kid.
So, if you're in the mood for a fun movie and the movie you planned on seeing is sold out or at an inconvenient time you should see "Crank".

Here's a link to the trailer on Youtube

Couldn't Think Of Anything To Write

WEEN!

Charlie Brown on steroids?

I wouldn't have believed it either. That is until I saw the court transcripts, I'm actually a little disappointed. But you can't put these people on pedestals, once you do they are bound to fall. It's sad, very very sad.

Velvet Underground

This is one of the funniest and coolest Velvet Underground videos. Be sure to check it out.

The Same Old Fascism

Donald Rumsfeld is truly an amazing man. How could someone have his head so far up his ass and still not bump into walls? In a speech to the American Legion in Salt Lake City today, he accused critics of America's invasion of Iraq and counterterrorism policies of suffering from "moral or intellectual confusion."

Wait, don't choke yet when you hear this war criminal speak of moral confusion. He draws a parellel between the appeasement of Hitler in the 30's with opposing his and Dick Cheny's war of aggression, and says "Once again we face similar challenges in efforts to confront the rising threat of a new type of fascism."

Well I thought about signing statements, Valerie Plame, Haliburton, the war in Iraq and this administration's lack of interest in the victims of Katrina. I thought how people often misuse the word "fascist" - it might be helpful to include a definition here, this from
Dictionary.com:

fascism [fash-iz-uhm] –noun
1. (sometimes initial capital letter) a governmental system led by a dictator having complete power, forcibly suppressing opposition and criticism, regimenting all industry, commerce, etc., and emphasizing an aggressive nationalism and often racism.

There's nothing new about this fascism. Rumsfeld is just so mind-bogglingly hypocritical he can't recognize the fascists are himself and his fellow future indictees.

Damn Terrorist Supportin' Judges

Apparently it's unconstitutional for the government to love us enough to take away our civil liberties. At least that's what a federal judge says about the government's wire tapping of international phone calls. I say that the President just loves us too much to let us talk to anyone overseas without his knowing about it and knowing what is said. America is a battered wife to Mr. Bush. We're going to leave him, and hopefully his ideals, in 2008 and until then we're trying to take the kids away to our sister's house (Canada).
Up until this administration I had this optimistic outlook for America, we were moving in a socialist direction. Ever since Roosevelt we were headed towards a better America and then this guy, and his ultra-conservative buddies, decide that America needs to be the next British Empire spreading our seed all over the world, sort of like a domino theory of fun. Which is funny because the judge presiding over the case with the NSA and the wiretapping thingy wrote:

"There are no hereditary Kings in America and no powers not created by the Constitution. So all inherent powers' must derive from that Constitution."

So we all know that Bush doesn't give a good goddamn about the constitution and that he would appoint a relative in a heartbeat, Jeb Bush, to continue the Bush Doctrine further into the 21st century.

So in closing, the sun will not set on the American Empire and we'll invade you and instigate a civil war if you disagree with us.

Here is the Washington Post Article about the judge's ruling.

No matter what the verdict is we're probably going to, as a country, get fucked. Enjoy.

Dennis Leary, Lenny Clark and the Jewish First Baseman

Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy are the announcers on the New England Sports Network (NESN) - they're a hoot every night, but Tuesday they were joined in the booth by Dennis Leary and Lenny Clark. Here's a transcript by Seth Mnookin:

NESN Transcript

Funny and Topical Cartoon

I know that the previous post was not funny and I was hoping to make it up to everyone that reads this blog. So if this is your first introduction to Tom the Dancing Bug check it out for yourself.

Tom the Dancing Bug for this week

Enjoy

Apparently Reality Isn't That Real

So, I was listening to NPR and they were reporting a story about how the writers for the UPN reality show "America's Next Top Model" are on strike. They go on to explain that the writers basically craft the show from all of the footage. Wouldn't they be editors then? Just because they form a "plot" doesn't mean that they are writers. They're doing exactly what editors do, form a cohesive story out of a bunch of footage. The "writers" of this show want to join the WGA and be represented by them, so they've gone on strike. What in the hell, isn't there an editors' union? So now all of these supposed writers from all of these reality shows possibly could seek union representation and possibly go on strike to do so. The whole point that all of these reality shows sprung up in the first place was a WGA strike that made it financially necessary. What could be the next wave of horribly crafted shit if the reality show writers all go on strike? I have no idea, I wish I could speculate about the outcome but I cannot think of what could come next. Could it be real reality programming? I don't know. Oh how I wish I knew because then I would know who to stop. What is wrong with this world when writers that don't write want to join a union for writers. Mind you, the union really wants to get these non-writers into their union. I guess they just really need the dues.

I'm sorry if this post is a little convoluted but I'm in a haze here wondering why.

Listen to the NPR story here

Smarmy

Oh yeah and uhh, one more thing...

Speaking of cats, check out this website:

Cats That Look Like Hitler

Sites like this are the reason Al Gore invented the Internet.

The Cat and the Umpire

Whelp, tonight, which would be Wednesday August 16, 2006, in Fenway Park, when the Red Sox and Tigers meet, history will be made behind the plate. No, not the catcher, behind him - Bruce Froemming will umpire his 5000th game, second place all-time. Cheers to Bruce, but when I hear that kinda thing, I want to know who's first place. Whelp, that would be ole Bill Klem at 5374, and that gives us a perfect chance to discuss quantum physics.

So an object exists in a particular state at a certain point in space and time. Or does it? Well, the probability that it does can be measured as a wave function, best accomplished over a hot cup of tea with Mos Def. This theory was first proposed by a cat named Erwin Schrodinger, who took it a step further - that you can never really know the state of an object until it is observed. Before it is observed or a measurement made, the object can be in one of a variety of states - in fact in a nether state, or the sum of all possible states as expressed by Schrodinger's wave function.

To illustrate this point people often use the example of a cat in a box. Schrodinger's original example box also had in it uranium and a shotgun, but we'll simplify it and leave it as a cat, which is either dead or alive. So what is the state of the cat before we open the box and look inside? Well, the only thing we can say for sure is this - the cat is in a state described by a wave function that equals the sum of a live cat and a dead cat.

This confuses many people, and in fact Schrodinger himself only invented the example to show how ludicrious his theory was. But this was in the 1920's, before LSD made his theory comprehensible. I myself prefer to use the example of good ole Bill Klem, who was in the prime of his umpiring years when Schrodinger was scrambling around for examples. See, when you would ask Klem if a pitch was a ball or a strike, he would say "It ain't nothing till I say what it is."

Ah finally, quantum theory even a Texas education can understand - that a pitch is recorded as a ball or a strike depending on the observation of the umpire. In the moment where everything is still, the catcher frames the ball, the pitcher glares in, the batter holds his wrists steady - in that moment the pitch is in a state that is neither and both ball or strike, the sum of all possible outcomes.

So next time you're watching a baseball game, take special enjoyment out of that little moment before the ump makes his call - you're experiencing the essence of quantum physics. A little LSD helps.

Cracked Magazine is back and it looks like they're trying to be a Maxim clone, they do have a great spoof of Fox News, if Fox News was around during the American revolution:

Cracked takes on Fox News

Enjoy

Things I Could Do...But Won't

- Give a damn.

- Give money to help save that poor kid in India.



- Recycle

- Observe the posted speed limit.

- Listen to your interesting story about blah blah blah.

- Hope that you get better.

- Quit smoking

- Donate to PBS

- Get those motherfucking snakes off that motherfucking plane.

Smarmy

George Bush = El Nino

Hello hello hello - here's a quick and by no means comprehensive list of things we can blame on George Bush:

His pre-emptive strike policy has emboldened hawks around the world and led to Israel's invasion of Lebanon.

His policy of cronyism in federal appointments led to the failure of FEMA after Katrina and the deaths of hundreds of citizens.

His and his father's family oil business contributed to global warming and made Katrina a worse hurricane than it otherwise would have been.

His and his father's occupation of Saudi Arabia led to Osama bin Laden's hatred of America.

While we're blaming things on his father, he looks like a chimp. See www.bushorchimp.com

His Texas education has led millions to mispronounce the word "nuclear."

His insistence on exploring the north side of the island instead of manning the hatch led to a system failure and the crash of Oceanic Flight 815.

His sodomy of Mrs. O'Leary's cow led to its knocking over an oil lamp and the burning of Chicago.

He kept poking Mount St. Helens in early 1980.

He continuously asked Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold if they were "gonna take that shit from those punks."

He spooked Christopher Reeve's horse.

More to come...

The Elderly...My What a Bastardly Bunch They Are

I cannot stress this enough: Walk with a purpose or get the hell out of my way. I don't think that any one of us feels that when they get old they will be like the old people who piss us off now, but we will be. I know what you're thinking. Trust me. "I'm not going to be an old fart/biddy!" Yes, you are. You'll be that old man that you want to push down the stairs. That old fart that says the rudest shit to young girls because he knows that no one's going to say anything to you about it. That little old cotton candy haired lady who holds up the line for an hour because she has a fucking coupon for every last item in the cart and by fucking god they better ring the fuck up right or else there'll be hell to pay! Do you hear me?!! HELL TO PAY!!! We are all headed down that road. We have all booked passage on the SS Geritol and there's no way to stop it. Remember that The Who once said "I hope I die before I get old" and now they are. Well, old or dead. Way to go Keith Moon! You did it! Dead before old. I'm thinking that the only real way to beat it is by the intake of massive amounts of illegal drugs and equal amounts of perfectly legal alcohol. It couldn't hurt.

Funny stuff

This is the trailer to the Borat Movie, if you've ever seen the Ali G show you already know that this is going to be hilarious.

Borat Trailer

This is from McSweeney's it's one of the funniest things I've read in quite a while with it's sequel:

Journal of a new Cobra recruit

Journal of a seasoned Cobra vetran

Snakes on a plane...my ass:

Chuck Klosterman's article about Snakes on a plane that could actually be better than the film

I want you...to want me!

Ok, as an inaugural post I was thinking of what to write? What would pique my interest? What would pique the interest of the many readers? Can't alienate the masses after all. Thinking what in the world would jump out and be good. I mean what can I say that hasn't been said. What idea could I come up with that isn't completely bastardized. I cannot think of one single original idea to pop the cherry of this particular blog. I'm looking forward to interacting with you people. And when I do think of something funny and original...oh boy are you guys going to get blown away. It'll be a perfect blend of political satire with a cutting wit that would make Oscar Wilde blush. Oh but until that day I will make you wonder what you are actually waiting for. "Will it be as funny as promised?" you'll ask yourself. I cannot give you some sort of deposit on the funny but I give you my word and that's about all that I really have, other than herpes.

So hold on and enjoy the ride. Just remember, it could be a lot worse. This could just be about celebrities. Oh they'll be involved somewhat, case in point, what in the hell is up with that Mel Gibson guy, what an ass. See I can be topical.

Overall I think that this will be worth the wait. Don't hold your breathe.

Smarmy

Welcome