This Man Wants You To Lower Your Standards

Now let me preface this by saying that I have yet to hear all of Mr. McCartney's latest album. I have just heard the song that they use in the Target ad.

Mr. McCartney is one of the most talented writers in pop music history. He is also responsible for his share of pure shit. But as of late he's been slipping. First of all he gave Linda McCartney cancer and then he got involved with a one legged whore. I have no problem with amputees or whores but you put them together and I am seriously pissed off. This is all beside the point, what I am here to tell you is that this man should have been put down in 1975. Yes that's right, I said it. Everyone was thinking it and I'm the one with the balls to put it on the goddamn internet. Mr. Paul McCartney made beautiful music with "The Beatles" and then made mediocre at best music with "Wings". In between there were a couple of albums that are amazing. "Ram" and "McCartney" both are amazing. But the thing is this, how do you go from making music that will stand for generations and then slowly slide to make music only serious fans like, that's like...not love. I'm sorry but I've had enough of his silly love song bullshit. His second to last album was produced by Radiohead's producer and his latest is produced by I don't give a damn. I won't even look online for it. I just don't give enough of a shit to spend a minute looking up who produced his latest train wreck, "Memory Almost Full". The album can be bought as a Deluxe Edition where they just take your money and you won't have to listen to the cd. That's the record label looking out for you the consumer.
A friend of mine bought the aforementioned shit and he says that it's pretty good, he says that the single is a throwaway song and that the rest of the album is cynical and dark. I believe him but don't really want to throw my life away, I'm still young.
Do yourself a favor and purchase "Ram" instead of letting him think that he should make more albums.
Paul would be so much better if John was still alive.

Smarmy

Why is this man smirking?

Have you ever seen pure evil? Look to the right and then you can say that you have. This man has completely disregarded the constitution and proceeds to shit on America. Why in God's name does he have the right to do what he has already done. I would go so far as to say that he is a traitor. Although he will never see the inside of Guantanamo Bay. That smirk on his face seems to say "You are all so fucked and you don't even know the half of it." This is a country that has so much potential and yet we are underperfoming left and right. I wake up every morning with a pretty good attitude and then I read something about how this administration, which includes Mr. Cheney, is running our country into the ground.
I recently listened to Pete Seeger singing "This land is our land" and it made me tear up because it is a beautiful country and it is being raped. Our government is taking this country in a direction that resembles Germany circa 1933. Except Germany was coming out of a horrible depression and America was coming from a great surplus. The state of this great nation is going down the drain. The people to thank are you and I, look around, we did this to ourselves. We made this country ripe for the picking by evil men. That's the beauty of a democracy, when something like this happens we can put the blame squarely on ourselves. I'm a bit disappointed with us but we can do better. 2008 is right around the corner and since every candidate has jumped the gun and we're already being posed with the question "Who are you going to vote for?". We have a veritable smorgasbord of candidates to choose from. I'm kind of leaning towards the gentleman from Alaska. But here's the good news, it can get better. It will get better. It's cyclical, we'll get a great president again, I just don't know who.

Good luck.

Smarmy

Smarmy is as Smarmy does

Welcome home, first of all let me direct your attention to the sidebar under the links tab. There's a new link to a website called Delicious Sandwich. It's a sandwich review blog for deli's and such in NYC. Pretty interesting.
Once again it's been a while since my last posting. It's getting to the point that I post once a quarter. So as my quarterly post this will be a big 'ol spectacle. Much like what you, my adoring public, are accustomed to.
Lately I have tried becoming an optimist. For most of my life I have been the staunch pessimist, I have bragged about it, flaunted it in the faces of the optimistic. Now I have decided that life is too damned short and that I need to do something that would help me be happy. Mind you, for most of my pessimistic years I was depressed. As of late, what with my optimistic point of view the depression has left. It's a good feeling, really good feeling. Part of the paradigm shift is the idea that people are naturally good. I try to believe this so that I can sleep at night. Then I actually interact with people and they shake my new belief system. I try not to hate and yet people I meet dare me to hate them. Case in point...Smarmy has taken a job. The job is that of a waiter at a little italian place. The owners of the place, we'll call "Sid's", are evil. Now I go into this situation thinking that all people are, at their core, good. Then I work with this woman who would turn Medusa to stone. Now here I am with an idea that is shattered before it could ever really take hold. I don't know what to believe. Oh yeah and politicians also make me really feel sorry for humanity as a whole. As long as there are politicians, and that means everyone who ever really wanted to hold political office, we are fucked. I cannot vote for someone who actually wants to be part of that system. Remember that this is an uneducated opinion. Just one hobo spewing forth my vile ideas.
To sum up this post, we're all fucked...that's really it.

Hope we all live to old age,

Smarmy

New Funny!!

I was just talking to Duh Chief today and he blurted out one of the funniest phrases I have heard in quite a while. "Sucks me off.." As in "Well that sucks me off!". It's a mixture of sucks and pissed off. It's grand. I've used it several times already. The train is moving too fast for me to jump on one of it's boxcars, well that sucks me off. You can use it for anything and everything. Don't be shy, use it with your friends and neighbors. When your dad calls and asks how your car is running, you say "It sucks me off!" angrily. What it is is the context. You people are smart enough to know how to use it and adapt it to any situation that suits you.

Have a grand day,

Smarmy

Cleveland Is ON FIRE!!

Hello again my good friends. I would like everyone to welcome Mr. Cleveland Steemah to Smarmy Hobo. I know that Forty just passed but we need a third party that pulls no punches. Cleveland was once a world renowned hobo until he pulled a hammy and after that it takes a little too long to jump on a boxcar. He's still a hobo legend. We here at the Smarmy look up to him and believe that he will bring quite a bit to the table.
Enough about Cleveland. Let me tell you people about something that has been bothering me. It's name is Alberto Gonzalez. Did anyone else listen to the Senate grilling he took? I was sitting in a boxcar listening to my little radio and feeling a little sorry for the guy until I realized that he was a colossal douche bag. Yes that's right, I'll be the first to come out and call the colossal douche bag a colossal douche bag. He is a symptom of what's wrong with this administration. Is it just me or does it seem that these assholes don't know how to separate their personal lives and their business lives. It's not that hard. I know that Mr. Douchey McFuckstick is a republican and all but he is also the Attorney General, not too political. He just needs to uphold what is already law. Am I wrong? If so please comment and correct my wrongness. Mr. Bush is a christian. That's great, I'm happy for the guy. But you shouldn't really carry that into your business life. He's representing more than just christians. I mean he's gone on the record stating that he believes that Jesus appointed him. Does he really call the supreme court "Jesus"? The late Mr. Vonnegut made a valid point that you could not compare Bush to Hitler because Hitler was elected. This is just a great example of eight years of bad decisions. I'm sure he's got some horrendously bad decisions to come. Wait until he pardons Scooter Libby. Will we ever get these assholes for the many ways that they have fucked up our economy and our country in general. This administration represents rich corporations and organized religion. Since when is Bob Jones University a mandatory campaign stop? Bob Jones University used to hang hobos in the eighties. That was a dark decade for us. The "greed is good" decade.
Sorry again for my incoherent rambling, it'll end soon.

Have a good night and a pleasant tomorrow,

Smarmy

Bad Impersonation Of Me?!

The Prank War Goes On! on Vimeo

Watch the video, and they do a series of impersonations and one of which is Smarmy Hobo.
What do you think? Is that a good Smarmy Hobo impersonation? Leave comments.

Smarmy

So I normally check out the blogs of both of these gentlemen, as should you. The links to their sites are to your right. Enjoy!

The re-Departed?!

What in the bloody hell is hollywood doing now? They're planning a prequel and a sequel to "The Departed". Why? Has everyone with something original to say been shot and this is the fucking result? I mean why? Scorsese just released the remake, I'm willing to bet that it's better than the original, and it was one of the best films of the past ten years. It was amazing and then now the scavengers are gathering around the film. They've all got forks and knives just salivating on all of the money they can make without actually having to put an original thought on paper. It's all rehashed tripe. I mean why even make movies anymore? Even "Little Miss Sunshine" had a bit of "National Lampoon's Vacation" in it. Finally when Scorsese releases his best film since "Goodfellas" it's jumped up on like fucking carrion. I saw a preview for a new film starring Shia Lebouf, I forget the name but it should just be called "Rear Window 2007". At least Depalma had a masturbating Melanie Griffith in his remake. Damn it.
I've lost faith in the hollywood system. It's all about the money and not at all about the content. I guess we've just got to wait for the cycle to return us to a somewhat auteur led film movement, the 70's for example.
I'm just saying that if Scorsese wanted a fucking franchise he would have been involved in the whole goddamn thing. The real bad guys here are Warner Bros. they're the ones who own the name and all of that other paper worky stuff. They're probably making the teaser trailer as we fucking speak.
Why? Because they can.
To quote "The Departed"

Frank: How's your mother?
Random guy at bar: She's on her way out.
Frank: We all are, act accordingly.

That interaction could be relevant for the 70's auteurs in this day and age. Speilberg's the big exception.

Have a good day and just for my sake, have an original thought.

Smarmy

U.S. Government Still Has It's Head Up It's Ass

I was just sitting around wondering what to write about. It's been weeks since my last post and I'm worried about my readers. What will they do without my input.
So, I'm sitting there reading the news when a little article pops out at me. It's about Darfur and how the government, our government, the U.S. government says that the worst human rights violations are going on there. What the fuck. The government says this and then sits back and sighs and says, "Thank God we didn't start that one." Because also on the list are Afghanistan and Iraq. A collective "You're Welcome" from the US of A. How can the most powerful country in the world look on as genocide is going on? We did it before in the gay 90's and Clinton has gone on the record saying that every day he regrets that we didn't do anything in Rwanda. Do we really want to stand by as people are getting raped and slaughtered. That's right, rape, what in the hell is going on over there?
Here's a link to the article, they're much smarter than this little hobo and much more eloquent than I'll ever be.

Voice Of America Article In Question

I'm sorry I'm a bit pissed off today and this thing just set me off. How can...Forget it.

We as a country need to get off of our collective ass and do something globally. At least think globally. I'm ashamed of myself when I read something like this. What are we doing? We just publish a fucking report and then expect the country to forget it. American Idol gets more coverage than a goddamn genocide.

Fuck this noise.

Smarmy

Upside, "Scooter" Libby found guilty. Hooray for the judicial system.

Long Time No See

Hey loyal readers, how is everybody doing? It's been about a month since my last post and have gotten off of my ass to post again.
It's been a rough month. I have come out of hibernation, you non-hobos didn't know that we hibernate during the winter months. I noticed that there are already a plethora of democratic candidates for president and the election is over a year away. That's a lot of politicking. A few of my friends have come out and said that Al Gore should run again. Me, I hope that he does not. Don't get me wrong I really like the guy but that's the reason for my reasoning. You see he was in a little documentary called "An Inconvenient Truth", I really enjoyed it, and if he were to run for president in 2008 then everything he did in that little documentary would be automatically put under campaigning. I would like to believe that it was heart felt and had nothing to do with his political career.
I don't know. I'm usually full of shit so take everything I write with a grain of salt. Oh and I'm also hopped up on meth. Two things that usually invalidate an opinion. But I have a blog and therefore I can type whatever I want.
Take that whoever disagrees with me.
Another thing, I'm beginning to feel like the meth addled version of Andy Rooney, maybe Andy Rooney is meth addled and I just don't know about it. If you know Andy Rooney and know if he's as much of a meth fan as I am then leave a comment. It would be greatly appreciated, it's just something I would like to know.

Have a good easter.

Smarmy

Christmas and Beer: The Way It Was Meant To Be

First of all let me apologize for my absence, I have been busy riding the rails and being the smarmiest of hobos. Which is a job in and of itself. What have you missed? What have I not said about Christmas? I realize that I have not said anything about Christmas and lo and behold I have forced myself to write the very first Smarmy Hobo Christmas Special Blog Entry. Next year I plan to have it televised, me sitting in front of a computer writing and smoking. But here goes:

Merry Christmas, how do I do this? Ok...here goes nothing. What do I think about Christmas? I'm sure that you've been asking yourself lately, "What does good 'ol smarmy think of this blood soaked holiday that we, nice Jesus loving people, call Christmas?" Well you've called and I've answered. First of all I refer to this holiday as "blood soaked" because of the great hobo massacre of '25. We hobos do not celebrate this holiday the way you non-hobos, that's right we call you folk non-hobos, do, we hide away and stay out of sight. In December of 1825 it was a hobo paradise. The rails were not what they are today. They were non-existent. But it was our utopia still. We were basically the true settlers because we would really settle for anything.
Hobos were still working on the trans-continental railroad, which was helped along by our two hobo surveyors "Boxcutter" Lewis & "Tireiron" Clark. The man in charge of the implementation of our railroad was "Mojo" Craig, he was just a few years away from his dream coming to fruition. He was sitting on a milk crate hunched over a broken cardtable covered in his notes, when a man came from behind him and shot him, "Mojo" was killed instantly. Credit was never given to "Mojo" for his hobo carrier, or train idea. That day was December 25th, the day that will live in infamy. Side note, Charlie Chaplin's tramp character is based on "Mojo", that is why to us hobos, Mister Chaplin is held in very high regard.

Now you people may be saying to yourselves, "Why did smarmy go and title this post Christmas and Beer? When all he has mentioned so far is the sadness that is the hobo massacre."
Well first of all stop asking so many goddamn questions and secondly because my favorite beer, Bell's, just came to town. I reccomend it to everyone.

Happy halloween everyone.

Smarmy

Lord Love The Dutch

I just recently came across this website Give us back New York about the Dutch wanting to take back New York and bringing back it's original name of New Amsterdam. Recently I have been coming to terms with my inner Netherlander. I am part Dutch and up until recently I was ashamed of my Dutchiness. Now I see this site dedicated to taking back New York, and I am a little happy that the Dutch have a voice in this day and age. We are a tulip and peace loving people. Famous Dutch peace proponents have been many, in particular there's Anne Frank. She was Dutch and that is exactly why Hitler was after her. He had a problem with the Dutch because of their peace loving ways and the fact that he couldn't get a good price on tulips. That asshole. The Dutch have done many many things for this world and I believe that they could take our present New York and make it the utopian society that is the Netherlands.
Contrary to popular belief Anne Frank is not the only Netherlander to make their mark on the world, it turns out that M.C. Escher is from there, Vincent Van Gogh and Rembrandt were both from the Netherlands. Other notable Dutch folk are Eddie Van Halen, "Emmanuelle" star Sylvia Kristel, the Director of the smash hit "Speed" Jan de Bont, and apparently quite a few notable "porn" actresses like, Teri Summers, Zara Whites, Deidre Holland and Bobbi Eden. I had no idea that the Netherlands was such a sexually lax society. I thought that they would be like the Pennsylvania Dutch, who are conservative and quite religious. But these Dutch people who actually live in the Motherland are very liberal, they have hash bars for Christ sakes. What's wrong with these people.
WWGWBD? He would invade the land and stop poor children from sticking their fingers in dikes. Then rape the land for oil, but that's just speculation. Hell it's a hurricane prone land that is occupied by mostly white people, he might actually give a damn if it's flooded. Don't know for sure.

Sorry for the semi-coherent rambling.

Smarmy

Vote and/or Die!?

I don't know about you but my will to vote has been stifled. I've lost faith in our democratic system. I don't want to rehash the 2000 presidential election but that was a big part of it. I just don't like our representative democracy. I don't know what would be better but this just sucks. I had to be guilted into voting this year. It worked and I will be getting the all important "I Voted" sticker this evening. Here in North Carolina, the Carolina just north of South Carolina, there are no national elections going on. We're just dealing with local elections, I also know that this really is important still because it's local and therefore it more directly affects me. Sorry for my grammar today but I am a bit under the weather and also mildly retarded for the past week or two. Back to the incoherent rant. Don't get me wrong, I love this country, love it with all of my heart. I love the people that make up this wonderful country of ours. It's just that I think that we as a people have very little say in Washington. Our democracy is not too representative, take Iraq for example. If it was up to the people I don't believe that we would be involved. Look at health care, what they're trying to do to social security, etc. Our government seems to be run by corporations. I know that I am the first person to open that can of worms but you know what I'm that guy. I'm willing to put myself in the position of opposition to this...whatever you call it.
Voting Republican or Democrat, to me it's still a vote for the same people. Anyone trying to get elected should be automatically disqualified. A friend of mine had a great idea, that instead of elections we should have a lottery and just pick our representatives, from President on down.

I'm going to be the one to say it but vote or don't. It's up to you, if you don't feel it, don't do it.

Have a good day and vote if you feel like it. Hey, here's an idea and what really got me to vote. It's my friend Matt's birthday and to celebrate it I'm going to vote. If you know Matt, do it for him and if you don't know him, well, then do it for your own Matt. Everyone knows someone named Matt. If you don't then I'm sorry, Matt's are pretty good people. Not all of them of course but a majority of the Matt's I know are good.

Have a happy pseudo-democracy day. Vote like it matters.

Smarmy

Halloween for Pedophiles

I saw this article online and it was the first time I even thought that this was an issue, a valid issue at that:

WRAL's Coverage of the aforementioned topic

I had never thought of it but Halloween is like delivery for pedophiles.

In the article it mentions that they have to sit around and watch a video. Maybe after the video they can play Go-Fish or Chutes and Ladders, or trade ideas as to what kinds of vans are best to meet new friends or how NAMBLA is a valid organization. I don't know but it could be NAMBLAs halloween party.

Anyway, have a happy halloween and happy trick or treating.

Smarmy

Sorry If I Get A Little Sporty On You

Today, October 14 2006, twenty two years to the day of the Tigers winning the World Series, the Tigers have now made their way back to the fall classic. Today they toyed with the A's until the ninth when Maglio Ordonez spanked the ball into the bleachers.
I am so so happy. As a Tiger fan from way back I feel a bit like a fair weather fan. I just cannot believe that my team is going to the World Series. What in the hell.
Speechless...

Where Oh Where Has Smarmy Hobo Been

First of all I need to apologize to my loyal readers out in internetland, I have been away doing amazing and astonishing things. You wouldn't believe me if I told you. A little hint...riding rails and "dealing with" nosy engineers. I've truly missed you all, your admiration and adoration that is bestowed upon me daily. I feel sad when I'm not writing here for you...and only you.
Before writing to you this wonderfully brisk autumn eve, I was watching a film that I would not recommend. It was entitled "Tight Teen Pussy", it was about these young women who enjoyed having sexual relations with seemingly random men. The dialogue was light, which is strange for a film that boasts it's length of four hours. The lighting was horrid, I cannot even describe the lengths they went to save money on a good cinematographer. This is what happens when you don't employ union workers. The acting seemed forced, in good erotica the acting is one of the things that doesn't go by the wayside. For example rent Eros, Steven Soderberg directs one segment starring Robert Downey Jr., very well done and funny to boot. I don't want to go on and on about the disappointment that this movie was. I would go return it from the shop whence it came but I borrowed it from an acquaintance and will merely return it to him at a later date.
Moving on from bad cinema, I was checking out the internet and stumbled on a pretty damn good site called McSweeney's, great stuff, you'll see a link for it on the right hand side of this page. On that site I found a really funny and tragic letter written to a Dr. Jones, to his friends he is "Indy". Apparently he was recently fired from Marshall college and this is the letter they sent him.

Temple of Doom my ass

Subversive Attitudes Towards The President

Read this but not attempt this at home:

How to trip the president.

David Bowie

David Bowie on Extras (a hilarious show on HBO from the man who brought you The Office)
Check it out

Bush and Blair

It's Grreat!

Venezuela Grows A Pair

I first heard about this on NPR and the print story does it justice, I guess.
I was a fan of Hugo Chavez before, this just cements it.
I really liked what I had heard of the speach but I was a bit distressed when I learned that it would probably cost Venezuela a seat on the UN Security Council. They were campaigning for a seat on the security council and were pretty much a lock, until this speach.


Hugo Chavez tells it like it is

Why I Still Love The Simpson's After All These Years

I know that the Simpson's seem to have celebrity voices every week, their season opener featured a couple of guys, Michael Imperioli and Joe Pantoliano, from The Sopranos and other stereotypical Italian roles.
But this past week the White Stripes were guests and I'm all about the White Stripes. They did a parody of the White Stripes video for "Hardest Button to Button", great song and great video.

Here I present both for your consideration.

First the original video



Now the Simpson's parody featuring the White Stripes



Hope you enjoy.

Smarmy