Christmas and Beer: The Way It Was Meant To Be

First of all let me apologize for my absence, I have been busy riding the rails and being the smarmiest of hobos. Which is a job in and of itself. What have you missed? What have I not said about Christmas? I realize that I have not said anything about Christmas and lo and behold I have forced myself to write the very first Smarmy Hobo Christmas Special Blog Entry. Next year I plan to have it televised, me sitting in front of a computer writing and smoking. But here goes:

Merry Christmas, how do I do this? Ok...here goes nothing. What do I think about Christmas? I'm sure that you've been asking yourself lately, "What does good 'ol smarmy think of this blood soaked holiday that we, nice Jesus loving people, call Christmas?" Well you've called and I've answered. First of all I refer to this holiday as "blood soaked" because of the great hobo massacre of '25. We hobos do not celebrate this holiday the way you non-hobos, that's right we call you folk non-hobos, do, we hide away and stay out of sight. In December of 1825 it was a hobo paradise. The rails were not what they are today. They were non-existent. But it was our utopia still. We were basically the true settlers because we would really settle for anything.
Hobos were still working on the trans-continental railroad, which was helped along by our two hobo surveyors "Boxcutter" Lewis & "Tireiron" Clark. The man in charge of the implementation of our railroad was "Mojo" Craig, he was just a few years away from his dream coming to fruition. He was sitting on a milk crate hunched over a broken cardtable covered in his notes, when a man came from behind him and shot him, "Mojo" was killed instantly. Credit was never given to "Mojo" for his hobo carrier, or train idea. That day was December 25th, the day that will live in infamy. Side note, Charlie Chaplin's tramp character is based on "Mojo", that is why to us hobos, Mister Chaplin is held in very high regard.

Now you people may be saying to yourselves, "Why did smarmy go and title this post Christmas and Beer? When all he has mentioned so far is the sadness that is the hobo massacre."
Well first of all stop asking so many goddamn questions and secondly because my favorite beer, Bell's, just came to town. I reccomend it to everyone.

Happy halloween everyone.

Smarmy