I have become cold again, and insensible; nothing is left but a senile love for unbroken calm . . .
Eh, it's not that bad. And thanks to Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe for pointing out the relevance of Kafka in the wake of the Colts 38-34 win over my beloved New England Patriots. But there's one thing that's been burnin my butter for a few years now, and to see it contribute to our loss last Sunday, well I can keep silent no more.
The winner of the coin toss to open the game can choose to kick or receive - whatever is decided is reversed to start the second half. Therefore you must elect to kick to start the game. It has long been standard practice to receive - the reasoning is to get the ball first, score first, and set the tone for the rest of the game. Of course, statistically, you're not going to score on that opening drive. I don't have the statistics, but I'll bet if I did I'd be proven right. This is what the Patriots did last Sunday, and they went six and out and punted. Then the Colts ended the first half with a long scoring drive, received to start the second half and went on another long scoring drive. The Pats went three and out, and the Colts went on another long scoring drive, and the Pats defense was exhausted for the rest of the game. It is my contention that if the Patriots had elected to kick to start the game, the defense would have had that much longer to rest after halftime, and perhaps would have held a little stronger in that devastating third quarter.
But that's just one game. There are so many other reasons to kick as a general strategy: First of all, the second half is the most important of the two, obviously. You've felt out the other team and made your halftime adjustments - that's the time to receive the ball. And especially if the strength of your team is its defense - you send the other team three and out on its first drive, then get the ball with probably better field position than you would have had on a kickoff return, plus you get the ball to open the second half. This is true even more in a home game - the crowd is pumped during the player introductions, but if they're smart they quiet down when the home team goes on offense to make audibles easier. Electing to kick keeps your crowd at full roar for the visitors' opening drive - this is what can truly set the tone for the game.
I can't be the first one to consider these points - surely our genius coach Bill Belichick has carefully measured all the factors and determined his strategy - I know he doesn't need to hear from me. But Richard Seymour's cell number is 401-464-1194, maybe I'll give him a call...
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Living With the Big Lie
...the clash of religion and the loaded prayers
information the face of starvation and the state of the nation...
Yep just wanted to start this entry with a little Marillion - that would be from the album Brave, you should all buy it. But that's not what I came here to talk to you about... President Junior will be giving his State of the Union address tonight, undoubtedly trying to bolster his case for escalation in Iraq. Of course, he is still the executive branch, and the legislative branch can't directly steer policy. With the nation in this state, the only course of action available is to cut funding, but anyone who supports this will, of course, be accused of not supporting our troops.
So let's take a moment to step back from Karl Rove and reflect on what it means to "support our troops." One, and this is a big one, you only send them into harm's way when it is absolutely necessary. Yep, that's a basic right there. Two, when you do send them, you don't play politics and compromise numbers like Lyndon Johnson, you send enough to do the job. And three, you send them with the armor and ammunition necessary to bring as many back home as possible.
Well, we're there now, no going back on that. The current escalation of 21,000 is a political number - the public wants out, John McCain wants to send 50,000, we'll split the difference. Unfortunately, if congress votes to cut funding, these troops won't stay home, they'll just have to go without armor.
I really have a sickening sort of admiration for how well Rove does his job. I've known John Kerry over twenty years, he became my senator in 1983, and in the few months of a campaign Rove created the image of a flip-flopper. John Kerry is a good man, a veteran and a man of principle. He's never been very good at sound bites - he deals in the nuances of the real world rather than the black and white of the evildoers. It's an intelligent person who can adapt to a changing situation - when we find we've been living with the big lie, stupidity stays the course. Will Rove be turned loose on the 2008 Democrat nominee? What could he do if he were turned loose on me? I have no idea what I did with my merit badges from Boy Scouts. Maybe I threw them over the fence onto the White House lawn. To protest Lionel Richie leaving the Commodores.
information the face of starvation and the state of the nation...
Yep just wanted to start this entry with a little Marillion - that would be from the album Brave, you should all buy it. But that's not what I came here to talk to you about... President Junior will be giving his State of the Union address tonight, undoubtedly trying to bolster his case for escalation in Iraq. Of course, he is still the executive branch, and the legislative branch can't directly steer policy. With the nation in this state, the only course of action available is to cut funding, but anyone who supports this will, of course, be accused of not supporting our troops.
So let's take a moment to step back from Karl Rove and reflect on what it means to "support our troops." One, and this is a big one, you only send them into harm's way when it is absolutely necessary. Yep, that's a basic right there. Two, when you do send them, you don't play politics and compromise numbers like Lyndon Johnson, you send enough to do the job. And three, you send them with the armor and ammunition necessary to bring as many back home as possible.
Well, we're there now, no going back on that. The current escalation of 21,000 is a political number - the public wants out, John McCain wants to send 50,000, we'll split the difference. Unfortunately, if congress votes to cut funding, these troops won't stay home, they'll just have to go without armor.
I really have a sickening sort of admiration for how well Rove does his job. I've known John Kerry over twenty years, he became my senator in 1983, and in the few months of a campaign Rove created the image of a flip-flopper. John Kerry is a good man, a veteran and a man of principle. He's never been very good at sound bites - he deals in the nuances of the real world rather than the black and white of the evildoers. It's an intelligent person who can adapt to a changing situation - when we find we've been living with the big lie, stupidity stays the course. Will Rove be turned loose on the 2008 Democrat nominee? What could he do if he were turned loose on me? I have no idea what I did with my merit badges from Boy Scouts. Maybe I threw them over the fence onto the White House lawn. To protest Lionel Richie leaving the Commodores.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Christmas and Beer: The Way It Was Meant To Be
First of all let me apologize for my absence, I have been busy riding the rails and being the smarmiest of hobos. Which is a job in and of itself. What have you missed? What have I not said about Christmas? I realize that I have not said anything about Christmas and lo and behold I have forced myself to write the very first Smarmy Hobo Christmas Special Blog Entry. Next year I plan to have it televised, me sitting in front of a computer writing and smoking. But here goes:
Merry Christmas, how do I do this? Ok...here goes nothing. What do I think about Christmas? I'm sure that you've been asking yourself lately, "What does good 'ol smarmy think of this blood soaked holiday that we, nice Jesus loving people, call Christmas?" Well you've called and I've answered. First of all I refer to this holiday as "blood soaked" because of the great hobo massacre of '25. We hobos do not celebrate this holiday the way you non-hobos, that's right we call you folk non-hobos, do, we hide away and stay out of sight. In December of 1825 it was a hobo paradise. The rails were not what they are today. They were non-existent. But it was our utopia still. We were basically the true settlers because we would really settle for anything.
Hobos were still working on the trans-continental railroad, which was helped along by our two hobo surveyors "Boxcutter" Lewis & "Tireiron" Clark. The man in charge of the implementation of our railroad was "Mojo" Craig, he was just a few years away from his dream coming to fruition. He was sitting on a milk crate hunched over a broken cardtable covered in his notes, when a man came from behind him and shot him, "Mojo" was killed instantly. Credit was never given to "Mojo" for his hobo carrier, or train idea. That day was December 25th, the day that will live in infamy. Side note, Charlie Chaplin's tramp character is based on "Mojo", that is why to us hobos, Mister Chaplin is held in very high regard.
Now you people may be saying to yourselves, "Why did smarmy go and title this post Christmas and Beer? When all he has mentioned so far is the sadness that is the hobo massacre."
Well first of all stop asking so many goddamn questions and secondly because my favorite beer, Bell's, just came to town. I reccomend it to everyone.
Happy halloween everyone.
Smarmy
Merry Christmas, how do I do this? Ok...here goes nothing. What do I think about Christmas? I'm sure that you've been asking yourself lately, "What does good 'ol smarmy think of this blood soaked holiday that we, nice Jesus loving people, call Christmas?" Well you've called and I've answered. First of all I refer to this holiday as "blood soaked" because of the great hobo massacre of '25. We hobos do not celebrate this holiday the way you non-hobos, that's right we call you folk non-hobos, do, we hide away and stay out of sight. In December of 1825 it was a hobo paradise. The rails were not what they are today. They were non-existent. But it was our utopia still. We were basically the true settlers because we would really settle for anything.
Hobos were still working on the trans-continental railroad, which was helped along by our two hobo surveyors "Boxcutter" Lewis & "Tireiron" Clark. The man in charge of the implementation of our railroad was "Mojo" Craig, he was just a few years away from his dream coming to fruition. He was sitting on a milk crate hunched over a broken cardtable covered in his notes, when a man came from behind him and shot him, "Mojo" was killed instantly. Credit was never given to "Mojo" for his hobo carrier, or train idea. That day was December 25th, the day that will live in infamy. Side note, Charlie Chaplin's tramp character is based on "Mojo", that is why to us hobos, Mister Chaplin is held in very high regard.
Now you people may be saying to yourselves, "Why did smarmy go and title this post Christmas and Beer? When all he has mentioned so far is the sadness that is the hobo massacre."
Well first of all stop asking so many goddamn questions and secondly because my favorite beer, Bell's, just came to town. I reccomend it to everyone.
Happy halloween everyone.
Smarmy
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Lord Love The Dutch
I just recently came across this website Give us back New York about the Dutch wanting to take back New York and bringing back it's original name of New Amsterdam. Recently I have been coming to terms with my inner Netherlander. I am part Dutch and up until recently I was ashamed of my Dutchiness. Now I see this site dedicated to taking back New York, and I am a little happy that the Dutch have a voice in this day and age. We are a tulip and peace loving people. Famous Dutch peace proponents have been many, in particular there's Anne Frank. She was Dutch and that is exactly why Hitler was after her. He had a problem with the Dutch because of their peace loving ways and the fact that he couldn't get a good price on tulips. That asshole. The Dutch have done many many things for this world and I believe that they could take our present New York and make it the utopian society that is the Netherlands.
Contrary to popular belief Anne Frank is not the only Netherlander to make their mark on the world, it turns out that M.C. Escher is from there, Vincent Van Gogh and Rembrandt were both from the Netherlands. Other notable Dutch folk are Eddie Van Halen, "Emmanuelle" star Sylvia Kristel, the Director of the smash hit "Speed" Jan de Bont, and apparently quite a few notable "porn" actresses like, Teri Summers, Zara Whites, Deidre Holland and Bobbi Eden. I had no idea that the Netherlands was such a sexually lax society. I thought that they would be like the Pennsylvania Dutch, who are conservative and quite religious. But these Dutch people who actually live in the Motherland are very liberal, they have hash bars for Christ sakes. What's wrong with these people.
WWGWBD? He would invade the land and stop poor children from sticking their fingers in dikes. Then rape the land for oil, but that's just speculation. Hell it's a hurricane prone land that is occupied by mostly white people, he might actually give a damn if it's flooded. Don't know for sure.
Sorry for the semi-coherent rambling.
Smarmy
Contrary to popular belief Anne Frank is not the only Netherlander to make their mark on the world, it turns out that M.C. Escher is from there, Vincent Van Gogh and Rembrandt were both from the Netherlands. Other notable Dutch folk are Eddie Van Halen, "Emmanuelle" star Sylvia Kristel, the Director of the smash hit "Speed" Jan de Bont, and apparently quite a few notable "porn" actresses like, Teri Summers, Zara Whites, Deidre Holland and Bobbi Eden. I had no idea that the Netherlands was such a sexually lax society. I thought that they would be like the Pennsylvania Dutch, who are conservative and quite religious. But these Dutch people who actually live in the Motherland are very liberal, they have hash bars for Christ sakes. What's wrong with these people.
WWGWBD? He would invade the land and stop poor children from sticking their fingers in dikes. Then rape the land for oil, but that's just speculation. Hell it's a hurricane prone land that is occupied by mostly white people, he might actually give a damn if it's flooded. Don't know for sure.
Sorry for the semi-coherent rambling.
Smarmy
Monday, November 13, 2006
Two Heartbeats Away...
Here's to Nancy Pelosi, the new Speaker of the House, and to better days ahead.
Well, a couple of weeks ago I was talking to my good friend, the Smarmy Hobo himself, about the state of democracy in our Homeland. I think the 2000 election wasn't stolen so much as handed to Junior. 2004, on the other hand, was a travesty truly worthy of boycotting Diebold. So what now, my dear Hobo? He theorized the puppet masters might throw us a bone, let the Demmies win one little one before Jeb is repaid in 2008.
No! I say, No No! Surely America has spoken! Surely the future indictees have been given a thumping! Now all the Demmies have to do in the next two years is get us out of Iraq, curtail the spiralling deficit, raise the minimum wage, slow global warming and repair our reputation with our allies. Then they can win in 2008. Assuming the terrorists don't choose to strike again - then all bets are off.
But I do have some good news... The Iraq Study Group is out there somewhere - hopefully they're studying and not staying up all night listening to their crazy rock n roll and doing each others' hair. I hear they're going to give us a way we can win the war - a silver bullet. Or is it a magic bullet? I don't know - whatever killed JFK, that's what we need...
Well, a couple of weeks ago I was talking to my good friend, the Smarmy Hobo himself, about the state of democracy in our Homeland. I think the 2000 election wasn't stolen so much as handed to Junior. 2004, on the other hand, was a travesty truly worthy of boycotting Diebold. So what now, my dear Hobo? He theorized the puppet masters might throw us a bone, let the Demmies win one little one before Jeb is repaid in 2008.
No! I say, No No! Surely America has spoken! Surely the future indictees have been given a thumping! Now all the Demmies have to do in the next two years is get us out of Iraq, curtail the spiralling deficit, raise the minimum wage, slow global warming and repair our reputation with our allies. Then they can win in 2008. Assuming the terrorists don't choose to strike again - then all bets are off.
But I do have some good news... The Iraq Study Group is out there somewhere - hopefully they're studying and not staying up all night listening to their crazy rock n roll and doing each others' hair. I hear they're going to give us a way we can win the war - a silver bullet. Or is it a magic bullet? I don't know - whatever killed JFK, that's what we need...
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Vote and/or Die!?
I don't know about you but my will to vote has been stifled. I've lost faith in our democratic system. I don't want to rehash the 2000 presidential election but that was a big part of it. I just don't like our representative democracy. I don't know what would be better but this just sucks. I had to be guilted into voting this year. It worked and I will be getting the all important "I Voted" sticker this evening. Here in North Carolina, the Carolina just north of South Carolina, there are no national elections going on. We're just dealing with local elections, I also know that this really is important still because it's local and therefore it more directly affects me. Sorry for my grammar today but I am a bit under the weather and also mildly retarded for the past week or two. Back to the incoherent rant. Don't get me wrong, I love this country, love it with all of my heart. I love the people that make up this wonderful country of ours. It's just that I think that we as a people have very little say in Washington. Our democracy is not too representative, take Iraq for example. If it was up to the people I don't believe that we would be involved. Look at health care, what they're trying to do to social security, etc. Our government seems to be run by corporations. I know that I am the first person to open that can of worms but you know what I'm that guy. I'm willing to put myself in the position of opposition to this...whatever you call it.
Voting Republican or Democrat, to me it's still a vote for the same people. Anyone trying to get elected should be automatically disqualified. A friend of mine had a great idea, that instead of elections we should have a lottery and just pick our representatives, from President on down.
I'm going to be the one to say it but vote or don't. It's up to you, if you don't feel it, don't do it.
Have a good day and vote if you feel like it. Hey, here's an idea and what really got me to vote. It's my friend Matt's birthday and to celebrate it I'm going to vote. If you know Matt, do it for him and if you don't know him, well, then do it for your own Matt. Everyone knows someone named Matt. If you don't then I'm sorry, Matt's are pretty good people. Not all of them of course but a majority of the Matt's I know are good.
Have a happy pseudo-democracy day. Vote like it matters.
Smarmy
Voting Republican or Democrat, to me it's still a vote for the same people. Anyone trying to get elected should be automatically disqualified. A friend of mine had a great idea, that instead of elections we should have a lottery and just pick our representatives, from President on down.
I'm going to be the one to say it but vote or don't. It's up to you, if you don't feel it, don't do it.
Have a good day and vote if you feel like it. Hey, here's an idea and what really got me to vote. It's my friend Matt's birthday and to celebrate it I'm going to vote. If you know Matt, do it for him and if you don't know him, well, then do it for your own Matt. Everyone knows someone named Matt. If you don't then I'm sorry, Matt's are pretty good people. Not all of them of course but a majority of the Matt's I know are good.
Have a happy pseudo-democracy day. Vote like it matters.
Smarmy
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