Balloon-ish type creatures attack RNC

Well it all went down with chilling precision. Before McCain's speech they locked the doors of the X-Tremely X-Cited X-Cel Center so the X-Delegates couldn't leave. McCain himself seemed to sense the impending tragedy as at the end of his speech he prayed for the doomed souls, saying "God bless you all." First they dropped confetti, perhaps as some sort of chum - then the balloons were released, descending slowly, mercilessly, perhaps inevitably onto the crowd. Most of the brave folks attempted to fight back, punching them back up into the air, but it was useless. Here's a picture of Sarah Palin standing in the aftermath...

Giant balloon-ish type creatures poised to attack Republican National Convention

Well I don't know why the media hasn't picked up on this, maybe they're trying to keep it on the down-low so as not to start a panic. I've found this picture, taken this afternoon, of the ceiling of the X-Ceedingly X-Cellent X-Cel Center in St. Paul, and by god they're massing in the rafters. The scuttlebutt seems to be they're going to drop from the ceiling onto the unsuspecting delegates tonight just after McCain finishes his speech. God help us all.

Sarah Does America

Wait, there's more to life than politics and baseball?


Is it just me or is McCain's choice for VP vaguely insulting in a feminist kind of way? Does Sarah Palin kind of look like a porn star? Like she could rip off those glasses, let down her hair and ravage her constituency? I don't know anything about her, I've never heard of her before today, and she seems intelligent although she's against pretty much everything I believe. It's really not her I have a problem with, it's his choice of her for running mate. I'm certainly no cynic, but it seems obvious McCain is courting women upset with Hillary losing the nomination, and that means he thinks those women only supported Hillary because she's a woman. Isn't that kind of shallow? Not to mention the male votes he hopes to pick up because she's attractive.

Traditionally the vice president should be strong in the areas the president is weak - for McCain that would be domestic issues, and no I don't mean that kind of domestic. She's the former mayor of a small town and partway into her first term as governor of Alaska - not for nothing but what does Alaska have to do with mainstream America? I mean, beautiful state, nice to have you participating, but it's a long way from Idaho, where she's really from.

She supports Bush's economic policies and the war in Iraq, she's pro-life and wants to drill in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR). So she's right down the line with McCain on many important issues, but he runs the risk of being called a hypocrite for saying Obama isn't ready or experienced enough when he chooses her to be next in line to what would be the oldest first term president in history. Not to mention she's currently embroiled in an ethics investigation involving a state trooper who divorced her sister, so his claim to being a reformer is going to ring hollow.

But really, since it actually doesn't matter, a VP pick isn't going to lose you votes, it's only going to gain them no matter who it is, and this will get him a few more stupid people votes, both male and female. It's going to be a close race, and with five possible supreme court seats up for grabs in these four years and McCain pledged to end Roe v Wade, there's a lot at stake. And no matter which way it goes, it'll be historic, as we'll either have a black president or a woman vice president. Next time how about a black woman president, like Cynthia McKinney? She'll never make it, she's too good a person, too honest. Hey how about a native American president? That seems fair...

He was just a widdle man

I can't help but think that Smarmy has found a permanent address, if you know what I mean. Don't really see much of him here on the streets anymore. If he really be the smarmiest hobo of them all, he don't ne'er make it known. I thinks he be a can of Chef Boy-ar-dee away from the fancy life. God forbid'n the man find himself EMPLOYED! Shite be to he and all he holds dear. A curse be on all his cardboard boxes. Wasn't he the one who started all this ranting in the first place? I myself had been in a coma for about a year, but I've come back with a drunken (and non-political or baseball laced) vengeance.

I've already met the Olson twins with chaps and cap guns,
Cleveland

Yay Joe Biden!

For years Joe Biden has been a lone voice of reason in politics - when everyone else was pandering to a bloodthirsty constituency, Biden was the only one putting forth a reasonable plan in Iraq. Let them govern themselves, he was saying back in 2004, the Shiites and Sunnis and Kurds, let them each have their own independent states. That part of the world is more loyal to local tribes of their own race - a sweeping democracy in the hands of a powerful federal government is completely foreign, and therefore suspicious, to them. We've already allowed the Kurds in the north to break away to form a land called Kurdistan, and except for the fact that Turkey won't allow its Kurd population to join them, it's been a peaceful transition. This is a large part of what's ailing Afghanistan also, as local warlords rise up against an American-imposed federal government. The America-allied leader of Pakistan just had to resign for the same reasons. Even here in the United States the prevailing idea was individual states for a hundred years before the end of the Civil War started the thinking that we were one country. That kind of thinking doesn't appeal to people in the Middle East - instead of us imposing what we think is best for them like some condescending parent, why not let the people choose what kind of government they want. Biden is an excellent choice for vice president to help heal global perceptions of America.

I've Got a Hole in Me Pocket

I just thought I'd mention that some jackass has stolen the spoiler off of my suburban. What the shit? Hey there, Mr. Spoiler-Stealer. Did you really need it? What fucking good is it going to do ya? Do you feel like more of a man because you took a piece of metal off of an old ass truck? Did you get your ya-ya's off doing it? Do your friends think you're cooler now? Did it totally accent your riced-out shitty little honda? You little (probably) Mexican turd. What the fuck?! I hope your little stupid ass got soaked in the fucking rain last night while you stood on my bumper with a screwdriver removing a chunk of MY FUCKING CAR! You have ass-raped my spirit, little man. You have made my ride a little more shitty. Why don't you take the wheels? How about the driver's door? Hey, you wanna fuck my wife? How about fucking me? Would you like that, huh, you shit-eating little prick? You seem to want my shit, how about you take it all? Here's my wallet, you want that too? You may as well, you bastard little beaner.

I'll be waiting for you with the INS.

Love ya,
Cleveland

Bill Berry'd Alive

Adrift again, so it seems... Tell me, Mommy... What's that?! And why is it looking at me? I was shocked (and stunned) in a shitty restaurant today as a small child clutched her mothers skirt and pointed at me. She cried "Mommy what is that?!" Her mother said "That's a man, dumb ass." I was floored none the less. Why does this shit always happen to me? I know I have a sweet ass, but really... I don't think that I look like something beyond human, or at least beyond gender. People should really beat their kids a bit more often. Then they would just wait silently for orders like I did.

Shocked... Stunned,
Cleveland